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Pause,ponder and pour.. :)

...And it's this time of the year when I am the most upbeat!




October happens to bring the birthdays of some of my favourite people, me included. It's the time of the year, when the weather goes all pleasant. A time when you suddenly find dry leaves on the roads. I have always been fond of walking on dead leaves.. I love the crisp sound they make.. October marks the presence of autumn and there's a beautiful smell all around. And it also has the maximum holidays in my working calendar..yayy!




Today I complete four years in the blogosphere. And it's a very fulfilling feeling. For me, the blog's like a piece of me, evolving with each year. Sometimes, it was the place when I wanted to hide, a safe haven unknown from the people around. Some other times, it was the place where I shared my secrets, celebrated my small joys and most importantly, felt heard. Being here, I have known so many wonderful people who have shared thoughts on many different things and also on our lives. I have learnt, read and enjoyed so much all the while.




This October is a little different, but it's special none the less. I finally closed an important chapter of my life... and if I may add, for good. It had dragged on for a very long time now. I feel more peaceful. I have been not too well lately, but things are looking bright. I guess, bright would be an euphemism. I complete twenty five years of my life in two weeks from now. I feel a little old but very benign. I probably will be celebrating my birthday alone this time as none of my friends are here in Kolkata. It's a little sad because on the last few birthdays I was with a lot of people... people who mattered. Funnily, I would always go into a fit of depression an hour or so before my birthday and would play dead fish. It would take a bit of cajoling on my friends' part and I would soon be enjoying myself and entertaining others.




Anyway, if any of my pallies are reading this and don't want me to be alone in this BIG day I promise not to be stingy and take you out for a grand treat.




I met grandpa some days back and we watched a football match together. He's thinned and I'm worried. Since I could only be there for a day, I spent as much time I could talking and listening to him. I also took the keys of the closet full of literature books from his time. It had not been touched since the last time I had opened it. I chose a few books, all of them in a shade of dirty yellow. The books were all dated and some of them were about half a century old. They were neatly wrapped in newspapers of the time. I read a column on the Indo Pak war and saw an ad of George ciggarattes. And so I carried back with me some priceless memories, a part of my grandpa and a tiny part of history.



There's a quiteness around me which I'm slowly getting used to. It used to be terrible initially as I used to feel very lonley. Now, I would prefer it this way. (not on my birthday, ofcourse!)



But things are good.I hope everything remains this beautiful and I can manage the rest with a bit of luck. Wishing you all God's peace. A happy October!






A woeful heart, a soul taken
A love untold, a love forsaken
I mock, I lie, I spurn, I jilt.
Lips quiver to confess
The sins & guilt.


I play blindfold with my life,
Ah! it slips out like an ebbing tide,
But sing not my requiem, not yet
I have to pray
for the woe beget!


I repent, I seek mercy
I despair & wait to retire,
Hush, for I shall now pass under the blue sky
And not a blade (of grass)
shall tell where i lie.







Sometimes you miss someone.

Sometimes you wish you'd never moved on.

Sometimes, pictures flood your memories with good times shared.

Sometimes you wish you had captured the moment and framed it forever.

Sometimes you wish you had not got angry that day.

Sometimes you wish you had never said those words or done those deeds.

Sometimes a surge of emotion pushes you to end the struggle.

Sometimes it keeps you connected, and you love the struggle.

Sometimes you feel the need to hold on when it's hard to hold back.

Sometimes it hurts to listen to your heart.

And sometimes all it takes is a little prayer, a little hope and a little faith to come out of darkness.












“Am I missing something?” In last one hour this was the 3rd time he had been asking the same question to himself. His flight to Mumbai was scheduled at 9.30 am and it’s already 8. Hence he started looking for a taxi. Thank God! He could see a ‘kolkata special entire yellow’ cab crawling in towards him.


‘Dada! Airport jaabo’. (Will you go to airport?) and without waiting for the driver’s answer, he went inside the washed out vehicle.



The driver gave a smirk and said ‘250 bucks’.


‘What!! The airport is hardly 7 kms from here...c’mon. It comes 80 if you go as per the meter. There is the height of cheating. Why don’t you guys go and loot a bank?’ Well, I will give 20 bucks extra. That’s the max I am gonna pay you, not a single paisa more than 100.”


He was almost moving out of the taxi, again the driver said ‘babu…meter is not working, give me 150, that’s the last price’. He looked at his watch, ‘its 8.20 now…let’s not argue with this bloody driver for the sake of saving 50 bucks. I should not miss the flight’. He murmured and sat in.


‘Ok…I will pay you 150, but just switch on your meter, let me see what’s the exact fare from here to the airport’. The driver gave a cynical look, though he didn’t look convinced; yet he nodded his head and said ‘yes’ to this proposal.


Again he started thinking…’what is missing, I guess I have lost something’. He rechecked his handbag and the check-in bag. Nope, everything seems to be fine and intact.


All of a sudden the driver said ‘dekha dada…you were saying that the airport is 7 kms from your place. See what the meter is showing now. We have travelled almost 8 kms and yet 2 more kms to go. Ae taxi ta amar sab diner byapar, jhut kyun bolunga aapko’. (I drive this taxi everyday on the same road, so why should I tell you a lie)


‘It’s ok…my mistake, don’t worry…will pay you the amount which I have promised’, he replied to the driver. Finally they reached at the airport, it was quarter to nine. Perfect! He reached on time. The meter showed 143 bucks. He paid 150, thanked the driver and hurried up towards the departure terminal A7.


‘Ek minute dada! He saw the same cab driver was calling him. ‘Now what? Might ask for more money as he landed me over here on time… gosh!
‘Dada, you have left your mobile phone in my cab. Tadatadi jaabe to erakum hi hobe (if you move so fast, you will keep on missing things just like this). Now go, else you will miss the flight.’



He plugged in the earphones and a beautiful track was on…”Stay gone”; a masterpiece by Jimmy Wayne…
I found piece of mind I'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side
Back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried
And I can finally say…

So baby, baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone…



He smiled coz he realised what was missing...!














I see you happy with her and I don't like it. I see her throwing furtive glances at you and rest her head on your shoulder.I stare at the pictures and it hurts inside. I'd seen it in her eyes the first time I'd met her, but I guess you didn't. For quite some time after that I'd wondered if you guys would look good together. She didn't like me and I, ofcourse didn't trust her. But I'd accepted her...for you. But would you believe me if I said she is wicked. I see her trying to steal you away from me slowly step by step with each of her moves... or are you no more mine?






She claims to be your best friend, but does she really have your best at heart?


Or are you so naive that you don't see that she cares for you,feels for you... loves you!


Do you love her too?






I can see you trying to get on with your life with me gone.I'd hoped you would find happiness in the arms of someone nice who loves you and cares for you the way I did...but I never thought it would be with her. Don't go to her dear...not her please!





I wish I could live again!